The Many Places to Find Vomit in a Bar Other Than the Bathroom

The Usual recipe
1 part Ketel One® vodka
1 part Quady Vya® sweet vermouth
2 ice cubes
1 slice lemon

Stir.

What's the difference between a toilet seat and a bartender?
Answer: A toilet seat can only deal with one asshole at a time.

A major part of being a bartender is dealing with drunk assholes. And sometimes these assholes get so drunk that they decide to puke wherever they feel it necessary. Rather than try to make it to the actual bathroom, they vomit on whatever surface or object is in the way giving it a decorative new paint job. And guess who gets to clean it all up? Well, it must be none other than...ME!

Let's see, one time I found an entire crave case from White Castle in chunky liquid form floating in the mop bucket! I mean I have no problem coating the floor with last night's dinner but, I'm not so sure Chad would like the smell of that. Who knows maybe the mysterious vomit came from Chad himself? Another time, upon closing up, Dick and I walked outside the front door only to miss stepping into a giant orange puddle by a quarter of an inch. What a spot! When I am walking to my car I would love nothing more than to create a footprint path of what looks like a screwdriver, potato chips, and a slim jim all blended together to a nauseating perfection.

Are you ready for the worst vomit story ever? I tried my best to prep you with the previous ones so that maybe you can stomach this one. One night when I was working with Betty, her lovely friends decided to come in and get really wasted. The perpetrator (aka the ultimate jerk-off) is sitting at the bar looking disturbingly queasy. Without even flinching to get up and go to the bathroom, this fool throws up ON THE BAR! And if you think this can't get any worse, well it does. Not only did he throw up on the bar but ON MY TIP MONEY too! If you're wondering whether I was desperate enough to take the tip, I will leave that up to your imagination. No questions please.

Next time you decide to order the usual try puking it up on your pillow instead of in my bar! Thanks!